Reasons to read spam e-mails.

Spam e-mails are bloody annoying. I get masses of the bloody things every day and no matter how many filters there are present, spam will always get into your inbox. My ISP has anti-spam. My email program has anti-spam. My virus protection and spyware program have anti-spam but still the spam gets through the tiniest smallest crevice. I have over 10000 blocked email addresses and yet every day and, in every way, I get more spam. Spam senders have gone to extraordinary lengths to bypass your filters to nowadays even misspelling the pills and potions they are selling. From words like "viiiaagra" and "horrrrmmmone replacmint pylls" they never give up, causing you more nausia and frustration at having to bleed your fingers at pressing the delete button, for the 100th time this week.

It doesnt matter even if you set up a new email address and keep it to yourself, as in around 3-4 days a lovely email spamming me with Viagra turns up. Here was me thinking that fsmail.net (the email addy I used as a test for this) would "not disclose my email address". Well, considering I hadnt even used the thing I am beginning to wonder that they could be in breach of there own contract and fired off a few stocky choice words. All I got was the standard "never give out your email address blah blah codswallop"... Are they in cahoots with these people? Selling these email addresses on for a profit?

It would seriously starting to fack me off if it wasn't for one thing.

I must express amusement at some of the names these people use that appear in the 'from' field. Colourful and highly improbable though they are, some have brightened my day. Names such as:

'Doris Ditherty'
'Petra Funglove'
'Mella Boller'
'Joanna M Tinkerberry'
'Mohammed Smith'
'Terra A Firma' (typically for viagra...)
'Winston Hoop'
'Jack O Lantern'
'Gregg Muncher'
'Iva Clanker'
'Berty Woosh'
'Mercible M Scree'
'Hank Chief'
'Henry Fizzleboy'
'Mooga Brimmer'
and my latest 'Moribund J Thistletwizzler Jnr', to name very few, at least keep me amused before they hit the great recycling bin in the sky.

Maybe these spammers have come to realize that they need to do more to get our attention. So before you delete those spam spewing turnips, see what names you get and give them some credit at least not for being annoying pricks, but for making you smile.

YAY! First post - Arrgh! Its started already..

As the title suggests, yes - this is the first post in this blog, or rant, or whatever you want to call it and yet, by way of a demonstration of what this blog will contain, I've already broken the fundamental rule to which I am now going to rant at myself and every other numpty out there who does it.

People who do this (like myself in this post - and for the record I shall be carrying out my method of punishment later) should be smote fiercely with a stout stick and set adrift in an open boat. Why do people do this? I see it often on forums in new topics, blog comments, chatboxes, etc, and I think to myself 'For the love of God, why can't these *insert swear word here* people come up with something less *insert swear word here* stupid.

I guess they sit at their computer staring at the screen without a clue in the world about what to write, smoking endless cigarettes whilst trying to think of something witty and enlightening. The complete opening comment to astound all other readers into submission and generally make everyone think that Dixie_Bimbo_Gurl123 or whatever your stupid login name may be, is really and truthfully, a very bright clever person with a lot to offer to the masses.

Then, my dear reader, what do you expect they type??

"YAY! I got first post!!"

Aargh! You bloody moron! etc.

... Oh I'm am speechless, open mouthed and in awe of your writings. Oh how I wish I could think up that little gem. My life, such as it is, will never be the same again. I am humbled to be reading your words.

Now *insert swear word here* off.