Friday, 18 July 2008

The Circle of Life

Says it all really. Click to enlarge.
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Thursday, 17 July 2008

A tip for job seekers

I like many others in life have had rejection letters or emails from jobs which have been applied for. It comes with the territory I suppose and it is one of life's bitter sweet slaps around the face.

One thing I have found, and please believe me when I say I am not blowing my own trumpet, is that I have been turned down before on occasions, for being 'over qualified', which astounds me and renders me bloody aggravated at the same time. Surely being 'over qualified' means that your knowledge of the job offered is second to none and no-one in their right mind would not employ you?

Comments at interviews such as, "Hmm, you have a lot of qualifications," and "Your very knowledgeable in these areas. Maybe too much so." leads me to believe that the person interviewing will not take on such a person if they are more intelligent than themselves. On any level.

Bloody ridiculous. What exactly was the point of me doing all these exams and courses to get me the job that I wanted if no bugger is going to take them on board? I feel like I had wasted all that time in university getting plastered at parties for no reason. I actually found that by dumbing myself down and removing qualifications by just putting the basics such as Maths and English, maybe keeping a science, gave me more interviews and job offers than I had ever had before.

Still, if that doesn't work for you, try this handy template to reply to said rejection letters replacing the areas betwixt ** with the appropriate relevant details, if you really do want that job

Dear *name of person in human resources, or if not known just 'Sir'*

Thank you for your letter of *date*. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
the position of *position* in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will assume the position of *position* in your department
on the *date*. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

*your name*
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Wednesday, 16 July 2008

How to start a conversation

One of the major aspects of the human race is the ability to communicate orally, and yet for some, it also seems it is one of the hardest to engage yet alone master.

You see, the word 'Hello' is such an open portal of conversation that if not used correctly can confuse a lot of people into standing hesitantly in front of you, jumping from one foot to the other, not knowing what to do next. Lets take a quick look at an example.

Person A -"Hello."
Person B -"Erm. Hello." - long awkward pause, shuffling of feet.
Person A -"Well this is nice. Do want a pineapple?"
Person B - "Erm, what?"

Well that didn't go down to well did it and you appeared
foolish at the end. Now lets try adding a few more lines into the opening gambit to see what happens.

Person A - "Hello. Nice weather we're having."
Person B - "Erm yes I suppose. - long awkward pause, shuffling of feet.
Person A -"Well this is nice. Do want a pineapple?"
Person B - "Eh, what?"

No, No.
That's all wrong, a nice try but the conversation lasted the same amount time and you still appeared stupid at the end. You added an extra opening line about the weather which is good, as half the population couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while, but it still didn't work out too well. Let's try adding a question to try and engage a response shall we?

Person A - "Hello."
Person B - "Hello.
Person A - "Nice weather we're having. Very warm."
Person B - "Erm yes I suppose."
Person A - "So. How are you?"
Person B - "I'm very well thank you. Yourself?"
Person A - "I'm very good thank you". - long awkward pause, shuffling of feet.
Person B -"Well this is nice. Do want a pineapple?"
Person A - "Huh, what?"

Well done! You managed to engage the other person for twice as long that time. The outcome at the end was different, as you made them look like the idiot. You'll have to think up some more questions to keep them standing there. Just make sure when your bored of them you are the one to close all avenues for further discussion. Your well on your way to mastering the art of communication.

Keep practising!
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Tuesday, 15 July 2008

lol rofl lmao wtf r u on imho plz stfu ok c u at 6

Maybe I am just getting on in life, but really, is there any need for some people to abbreviate every single word or phrase in the entire dictionary when your sending a text message, writing an email, or talking on MSN?

Fair enough, I can cope with the odd 'lol' and a few 'wtf's' every now and again, but has our beloved *insert your language here* become so useless that we have to resort to shortening everything? I thought learning French at school was bad enough, but sooner or later, and believe me in this crazy society which we claim to call our own and live in, we'll be taking exams in "How To Talk in Txt".

I can see it now. "Aw Wtf I gt a D"

There have even been books released on how to send and decipher this annoying bloody chav code and in texts and emails that I have received, I have had to go online to try to translate the buggers into some sort of sensible conversation, which usually ends in it not being a sensible conversation, and I am left feeling I have waisted ten minutes looking it up and another ten minutes moaning about it.

There are various websites for decrypting said 'txt' one being found at The list of phrases is absolutely gigantic. How can these people memorize so much crap? Do they want to say something, look it up in their book or internet and then type it out? Wouldn't it be far simpler and quicker to just type it out normally or failing that, dial my bloody number and ask me what you wanted to?
Since when is anybody going to use the text term of "NQT - Newly Qualified Teacher" or "YRYOCC - Your Running Your Own Cuckoo Clock". I mean come on, WTF?

I am, as ever, annoyed.
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Reconsider your inconsiderations.

Two weeks back I received a phone call asking me to attend an audition for an acting role. I had a long chat with the person on the phone; seemed a nice sort, young and excitable as they are. They had seen some previous work of mine, liked it very much and would I be interested in auditioning for the role? Naturally I accepted, they emailed me the script, did some research into the director and previous works, as you do, duly rehearsed lines for the part they wanted reading - you get the picture here.

The audition was a good three hours from where I lived and not practical to drive to, so I hopped on the train and made my way there, went through the audition very well, "many thanks for coming along we will be in touch very soon, you suit the part." So you can imagine my surprise as when I returned home I looked on their website only to find that on that very morning they had posted a message saying that they had already cast the role.

I'm am not annoyed that I didn't get the part after what was said. I am not that fickle. I am however bloody annoyed that I needlessly made a six hour round trip, shelling out over fifty quid to get to the place, when I really need not have gone if someone had just taken thirty seconds out of their life to inform me I was not needed. The more I think of it the more I am in belief that they completely forgot I was coming along. I did wonder why they were so aloof. As it also happened, I had to pass up on an opportunity for another audition on that same day to attend this one.

But this entry is not just about this. I am continually becoming "miffed" at people in general these days, hence why I am becoming a grumpy git and probably why this blog started in the first place. I never used to be this way. I had such a laid back attitude. I would never let things get to me because I guess I didn't want to bring any conflict to the table or upset my 'karma' or whatever it is that shouldn't be upset or messed with.

But as I am becoming older and wiser in my years I find that I am far more susceptible to these things around me and quiet frankly the pig ignorant inconsiderate things that people do, that if they just thought for second, could quiet easily be avoided. From double parking across driveways so you can't get your car in or blocking you in so you have to get a can opener to get your car out, queue jumping, lighting a cigarette in a no smoking zone, barging past you in the street without an apology, telephone sales people who simply hang up when your not interested, people in shops who put your change on the counter despite your hand being held out to receive it, the simplest of human words to say 'please' and 'thank you' - the list is becoming more endless as my days go by and I am left wondering wether in this time of the 'we need everything done by last week and god help you if we don't' society, we are forgetting our fellow beings around us.

But on the flipside of all this, if we speak up about people being inconsiderate and politely inform them of the said inconsideration, we are met with a barrage of abuse or indignation. Is is not enough that not only do you annoy the living hell out of me by doing these things, I then have to put up with your attitude. Maybe it has something to do with the way people are brought up in life, maybe it has something to do with the 'no one else can be bothered why should I' concept that is becoming increasingly popular and used frequently as an excuse.

Maybe I am, after all is said and done, just another grumpy blog writer.
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Monday, 14 July 2008

What a load of rubbish.

Refuse collectors are joining other members of UNISON for a two-day strike. No rubbish or recycling collections will take place in my Worthing and Adur area on Wednesday, July 16 and Thursday, July 17 due to industrial action.

Considering we pay our exorbitant council tax for such features as rubbish removal, a person on a local forum had asked the question if the Council would be refunding the public for the inconvenience.

Not according to the reply from Worthing Borough Council who said "Adur and Worthing Council Services apologises for any inconvenience these arrangements will cause local residents, but these are only being implemented for reasons beyond our control. We would like to thank our residents in advance for their patience and co-operation during this period of disruption to the services".

Typically politician-like in response as they never actually answered the question, they continue to advise the public that they can of course take any excess rubbish to a waste disposal site of their own free will. The barrage of messages afterwards grew heavy and abusive. The post has since been deleted.

Unfortunately and not for the first time, overflowing wheelie bins will be popping up everywhere littering the streets. Foxes and seagulls on the other hand, are said to be "delighted with the news".
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Friday, 11 July 2008

More bandwidth? Your going to have to get some

A big thumbs up for Internet service operators who try to sell you more bandwidth and then increase the amount of video flash clips, big bannered ads and general crap they display on their homepage which, as a result, slows your computer down to within an inch of its life before it kick starts into reality again. It's not just the ISP's though. Nearly every web page (with the exception of beloved Google) has a trillion ads that flash and strobe you into a jellied psychotic heap in your chair, dribbling too.

The need for speed for users these days has gone beyond the norm as we demand more of everything twice as fast and preferably by yesterday if you please. The problem though can be rectified by teaks within your browser settings and operating systems, but I wonder how many of us actually know how to do this?

There isn't a manual that comes with Windows to tell you how to "Get rid of the crap on the Internet" or for that matter "Get rid of the crap within Windows" because lets face it, if you did that, there wouldn't be a Windows and we'd all be using Linux. This frustration causes you to post endless messages in newsgroups and forums seeking help and assistance. But of course, you have to register a million times in order to do that, so you get millions of Email Verification messages in your mail that you cant access because of all the crap on your ISP's homepage...

Then there is dealing with Spyware, Malware, Trojans, Virus' and AdBlockers and oh my bloody god the list goes on and on, and all these programs that you have to try to download just to deal with this crap, are slowing your machines down even more - so you upgrade your machine to cope with the speed to get more speed - you see where this is all going. The proverbial upgrade loop. Which means spending more money. Ah, these Internet chaps aren't bloody daft are they? I sometimes wonder if this is just another Microsoft conspiracy.

Its all very well having that lightning fast 20MB broadband line, but if there's an extra load of crap on every site - which is increasing every day - your just back to where you started in the first place and that lightning fast line you have just upgraded, will just end up being drizzle
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David Davis wins comedy by-election

David Davis who triggered a by-election in his constituency of Haltemprice and Howden, in protest at the Government’s victory in the 42 days vote, is seen here sharing a laugh or two after his success in winning the local by-election.

The motley assortment of candidates who stood against him ranged from "The Church of the Militant Elvis Party" to a sassy Gemma Dawn Garrett and her "Miss Great Britain Party", stood little chance of receiving any form of standing against the former shadow home secretary and not even the Lib Dems or Labour raised a candidate to stand against Davis. No wonder he's laughing.

Labour has dismissed the by-election as a stunt. Deputy leader Harriet Harman previously accused Mr Davis of "wasting over £80,000 to run a by-election, paid for by the council taxpayers. This by-election is a frolic and it's more to do with internal divisions in the Conservative Party."

Whilst I couldn't agree more and fully believe this is was a complete and utter farce, if the only rabble that could be raised was Mad Cow-Girl from The Official Monster Raving Loony Party and bloody David Icke then the general public have very little faith in any politician in this crucial time for Britain's economy.

Davis shouldn't be laughing. Davis should be worried.

Here was the full list of "candidates"

  • Grace Christine Astley - Independent
  • David Laurence Bishop - Church of the Militant Elvis Party
  • Ronnie Carroll - Make Politicians History
  • Mad Cow-Girl - The Official Monster Raving Loony Party
  • David Craig - Independent
  • Herbert Winford Crossman - Independent
  • Tess Culnane - National Front Britain for the British
  • Thomas Faithful Darwood - Independent
  • David Michael Davis - Conservative
  • Tony Farnon - Independent
  • Eamonn "Fitzy" Fitzpatrick - Independent
  • Christopher Mark Foren - Independent
  • Gemma Dawn Garrett - Miss Great Britain Party
  • George Hargreaves - Christian Party
  • Hamish Howitt - Freedom 4 Choice
  • David Icke - No party listed
  • John Nicholson - Independent
  • Shan Oakes - Green Party
  • David Pinder - The New Party
  • Joanne Robinson - English Democrats: Putting England First
  • Jill Saward - Independent
  • Norman Scarth - Independent
  • Walter Edward Sweeney - Independent
  • Christopher John Talbot - Socialist Equality Party
  • John Randle Upex - Independent
  • Greg Wood - Independent
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