Thursday, 10 July 2008

Greetings!



This is not really a rant, more of a thank you and a hello. As per my live traffic feed, I seem to be getting a few hits from people in Finland. So especially for you nice Finnish people who have visited, select the appropriate greeting according to what the time is.

Hyvää huomenta = good morning
Hyvää päivää = good day/afternoon
Hyvää iltaa = good evening


Hope to see you again soon. :)
Stumble Upon Toolbar

Reasons to read spam e-mails.


Spam e-mails are bloody annoying. I get masses of the bloody things every day and no matter how many filters there are present, spam will always get into your inbox. My ISP has anti-spam. My email program has anti-spam. My virus protection and spyware program have anti-spam but still the spam gets through the tiniest smallest crevice. I have over 10000 blocked email addresses and yet every day and, in every way, I get more spam. Spam senders have gone to extraordinary lengths to bypass your filters to nowadays even misspelling the pills and potions they are selling. From words like "viiiaagra" and "horrrrmmmone replacmint pylls" they never give up, causing you more nausia and frustration at having to bleed your fingers at pressing the delete button, for the 100th time this week.

It doesnt matter even if you set up a new email address and keep it to yourself, as in around 3-4 days a lovely email spamming me with Viagra turns up. Here was me thinking that fsmail.net (the email addy I used as a test for this) would "not disclose my email address". Well, considering I hadnt even used the thing I am beginning to wonder that they could be in breach of there own contract and fired off a few stocky choice words. All I got was the standard "never give out your email address blah blah codswallop"... Are they in cahoots with these people? Selling these email addresses on for a profit?

It would seriously starting to fack me off if it wasn't for one thing.

I must express amusement at some of the names these people use that appear in the 'from' field. Colourful and highly improbable though they are, some have brightened my day. Names such as:

'Doris Ditherty'
'Petra Funglove'
'Mella Boller'
'Joanna M Tinkerberry'
'Mohammed Smith'
'Terra A Firma' (typically for viagra...)
'Winston Hoop'
'Jack O Lantern'
'Gregg Muncher'
'Iva Clanker'
'Berty Woosh'
'Mercible M Scree'
'Hank Chief'
'Henry Fizzleboy'
'Mooga Brimmer'
and my latest 'Moribund J Thistletwizzler Jnr', to name very few, at least keep me amused before they hit the great recycling bin in the sky.

Maybe these spammers have come to realize that they need to do more to get our attention. So before you delete those spam spewing turnips, see what names you get and give them some credit at least not for being annoying pricks, but for making you smile.
Stumble Upon Toolbar

Vista update: simply stupid and now updated.

After much nerding about the net and in relation to my previous post today which can be found here I've done a little more digging for those who would care to read on. Before I waffle inanely I must point out that this update is NOT ESSENTIAL unlike Vista says and can quiet happily be uninstalled. If the update fails don't bother to install it. Read on to find out why.

From what I can glean the Windows update KB955020 is only to replace 5 stupid words in the English dictionary. To recap to people who cant be arsed to read my previous post I was forced to wait for a 56.3 MB "Important" Update to be downloaded from Windows Update before I could use my own computer.

All the update did was to include 5 words into the dictionary used by a variety of programs within Windows. These words are:
1.Friendster
2.Klum
3.Nazr
4.Obama
5.Racicot

After a little investigation I discovered some startling facts.

1. Friendster is a leading global social network emphasizing genuine friendships and the discovery of new people through friends.
2. Klum of course refers to hot babe and supermodel Heidi Klum.
3. Nazr Tahiru Mohammed (first name pronounced NAH-Zi) born September 5, 1977, in Chicago, Illinois is an American professional basketball player with the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats.
4. Barack Hussein Obama II is the junior United States Senator. He is the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party in the 2008 presidential election and the first African American to be a major party's presumptive nominee for President of the United States.
5 .Marc F. Racicot is a U.S. politician and lobbyist and member of the Republican Party.

This all leads me to firmly believe, and I repeat firmly to believe, that Heidi Klum has shagged all three of these blokes and has bragged about it on Friendster.
If you dont believe me look what else I found.

http://profiles.friendster.com/74479985

I reckon she also bedded Bill Gates and he tried to fix the spelling errors in an attempt to win her back, but as usual the Windows fix (KB955020), failed to deliver.

Its so obvious when you look closer eh?

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Vista update: simply stupid.

Bill Gates is seen here having a chuckle. Yes no doubt he is and probably at my expense as I was forced to wait for a 56.3 MB "Important" Update to be downloaded from Windows Update before I could use my own computer.

If I set Windows Update to allow me to review "high-priority updates" before downloading, then Windows Live OneCare (which I have now ditched) showed my computer to be "At Risk," turned the Windows Live OneCare icon to bright red, and prompted me that my computer "May be at risk from Internet threats". And if I did set Windows Update to automatically download and install "important" updates, I was forced to wait until a 56.3 MB "Important" update such as KB955020 (which adds a massive five words to the English dictionary) before I was able to simply start and use my own computer. For those with any remote interest can find the Microsoft article here at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/955020 which explains nothing why this should be a priority update that is so vital and important to mankind.

Can anyone explain to me why this 56.3 MB containing the hugely popular five words:
1.Friendster
2.Klum
3.Nazr
4.Obama
5.Racicot
- from Windows Update is considered important enough to deny me the use of my own computer until it completes?

Edit: You can follow up some revealing stuff about this here.
Stumble Upon Toolbar

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Amy Winehouse does it again.

This woman really cheeses me orf. In the next vital instalment that the news is so eager to let us know apparently, and so I've been reading, she has been put under a 24-hour house arrest after she confessed to taking drugs while being treated for heroin addiction.

The singer’s label bosses have put her under surveillance in an effort to keep her away from any dealers and drug-taking friends, according to reports. Amy is said to have admitted: "I've never been to rehab - I mean, done it properly. I'm young, and I'm in love, and I get my nuts off sometimes.”

She is also being immortalised in wax at the world famous Madame Tussauds museum. The wax model, which was created by a team of 20 sculptors for some months, costs 100,000 pounds of British Tax payers money. Winehouse is said to have insisted that her towering trademark beehive be perfectly recreated, and she even asked for her saucy “sailor” tattoos to be engraved on the figure. Her wax figure has been considered by the staff at the London attraction as worthy of being protected, especially after her Glastonbury performance in which a fan lunged at her.

“We are really pleased to be creating Amy,” Daily star quoted Tussauds general manager Edward Fuller as saying. Your joking me, right?

Wake up and smell the coffee here. I can't believe that this woman gets so much undeserved attention for her stupid actions. Granted, she is a fantastic performer and successful in her field (though no thanks to Mark Ronson), but this is getting beyond a joke. She has admitted to taking drugs, countless times at that, always in the press for her love life bust ups and it seems the general consensus of opinion is "Aww, bless her, it's not her fault".

No, no, it is her fault. Entirely. Wether she has some huge illness or not due to her drug taking, the point is that the record label who employs her is making a vast amount of moolar from her doing it. Lets face it, if she wasn't taking all this shite in the first place I doubt very much the labels would be making as much money. Bad press is good press it seems and I am appalled that the world has come to this. I call Amy part of the 'Terrible Three'. Its the Kate Moss cocaine thing all over again. Its Pete bloody Docherty on steroids. Its bloody ridiculous is what it is.

Its spells out to the world, and more importantly the youth of today, that it is quiet alright to take as much bloody spank and clunk as your body can handle, because if you have a talent that makes money, its ok to do these kind of things. No, really it is. And even if your body gives up on you through overuse, thats ok too, because the money makers have the methods, and lawyers, to keep you out of jail and putting the coins back in their pockets.

I have an amazing talent for pissing people off, but it doesn't make any money. So for instance, if I was to take copious amounts of drugs til my ears waggled uncontrollably, fell off and started talking to me through the medium of mime, there is no doubt that I would be arrested, sectioned under the Mental Health Act or sent to prison.

Pfft, the bloody injustice.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, 7 July 2008

Stupid dumb arsed criminals take note...

Why is it that on these shows these 'crims' always run away from police helicopters into an open field or woodland areas when jumping out of stolen cars or attempt to hide under trees or in ditches? The answer is they are thick. It's idiotic. The helicopter chasing them has infra red detectors that pick up heat signatures. You'd think by now after the amount of series this program has had, they would of realised by now.

An easy solution is to peg it to a shopping center and lose themselves in a crowd full of fat sweaty people.
Stumble Upon Toolbar

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Protest about sex shop in Worthing

Back in 2005, An apparent well known moral campaigner (according to the Worthing Herald) had vowed to force a sex shop to close if it opened in the same road as his Worthing home.

He said at the time: "I will fight this application... From my experience and with the concern already expressed, I am sure the council will not grant the licence."

I have no objection to protest. What annoyed me was the photograph. Hell's teeth. Two old people and some nerdy bloke in an anorak who quiet frankly is looking like he is not going to get any 'whahooler' at any time of his life in this or in the next, is hardly an advert for trying to get people for their cause.

Unfortunately for them the council granted the license and it has been open for over 2 years.
Stumble Upon Toolbar

Saturday, 5 July 2008

Hello. I'd like to buy a new mobile phone please...

I've got a brand new mobile phone. Its a doozy. Its thus so because it does exactly what I want it to do. Dial out, ring and do 'txt msgs'. That's all I need. That's all I asked for. I don't want any fancy gadgets. I don't want bluetooth or web access or a 4 mega pixel camera or the ability to get data sent to me from a satellite orbiting Uranus to tell me EXACTLY where the nearest clean and fresh public toilet is. No. I don't want that. I want a phone that dials, rings and can do 'txt msgs'. In other words, a BASIC PHONE. Is there such a thing?

According to my local Vodaphone shop, there is not. Well, there was but it took me thirty of your earth minutes to get what I wanted as I had to endure the sales pitch of the spotty oik with a crappy scratched badge (we will call him Richard for sake of confidentiality) who had either a) just got out of bed or b) been sick and fallen out of bed or c) done both a) and b) and got back into bed, realised he was late for work and d) ran to said work with with his hair on back to front.

The sales pitch was enthusiastic considering his obvious halitosis and last nights flaky gel encrusted barnet when I made my enquiry. But what really peeved me off was the fact that the nerk kept trying to sell me one that can tell me the time anywhere in the world despite me saying I wanted one that just rings, dials and does 'txt msgs'. In other words, a BASIC PHONE.

"But sir", he insisited, "This one can take a picture and you can edit it and add things to it and then send it to someone". Richard looks at me with a big sales winning grin.

"Wow! Really?" I say with mock awe. "Thats so much better than what I actually asked you for twice already. So it doesnt ring or dial or txt? No? Ahh, no matter because it can tell me the time anywhere in the bloody world. I'll take three and be on my way." Needless to say Richards face dropped. He got the 'msg' and sold me EXACTLY what I had asked for and I left with a sales killing grin. Sigh... Life was so much simpler with the old Bakerlite phone.




Hello? Is that Miss Curuthers? I was wondering if you would care to join me for a light spanking this afternoon? Jolly good, see you in twenty minutes.




Now don't get me wrong. I know these people are only trying to make more money for the company (who by the way were down by 4.6% last year, to £9.3bn...poor things...) and earn themselves a dab of commission in the process, but I do feel that the whole sales pitch crap is becoming a little tedious for Joe Public. It's all hard sell sell sell and normal people like me (I use that phrase lightly) are becoming more and more pissed off with this. As soon as you put one hand on the shop door-handle you can see them inside fighting each other to be first to your side and say "Hello, can I help you?" in menacing smiles that cause me to glance fretfully over my shoulder and back off into the street waving my excuses.

In a nutshell 'Dick', and every other poxy 'salesperson' out there. If we want assistance, we will ask. If we don't ask - fack off back behind the counter and stop pestering us.

Stumble Upon Toolbar